There’s an article I read the other day in New York Magazine that I find highly disturbing yet exceptionally poignant called, “I Love My Children; I Hate My Life.” The article discusses the reasons behind modern parent woes and misery, as well as offering a few statistics for “happiness” levels across the board. It’s a sad and tragic truth that many modern parents are not as excited about parenthood as they could and should be. However, all that said, today’s anxieties are not groundless, though they certainly shouldn’t be used for any sort of victim card.One thing the article does effectively is announce the fact that having children is NOT a requirement. That said, having kids has switched from the “economic asset” idea that children are here to make parents’ lives easier, whether it be they take over the family farm, run the deli or corner grocer, or just, over all, contribute something. Modern parents must view their children as an investment and be prepared to commit everything to them: time, effort, and above all, finances. In a world where life starts only with a college degree, it’s impossible to kick your kids to the curb at 18 and expect they’ll be great people. I once had a friend whose mother said to her, “You’re supposed to be better than me. That’s how parenting works. I make you a better person than I could ever make myself and I benefit from watching that.” What she said was possibly one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard, and also, a mantra that I think my own mother has picked up on as I’ve grown and moved out of the house.To reference a blog post from a few weeks ago, parenting in the United States is just not easy. The state does little to assist you and doesn’t offer any real guidance on how to be a good parent. It’s no lie that parenting should be easier for those with greater financial means to hire the nannies, housekeepers, and take time off from work to spend time with their budding tots. The article discusses the happiness of Ohioan moms versus French moms; the French seem to really have it all, including a better outlook on parenting, thanks to all the social welfare available to families. If parents can switch off and take time off like they do in Sweden, perhaps it would be better for the whole family. A study in 2004 surveying 909 Texas women found that out of 19 daily activities, childcare ranked #16, with cleaning coming before it…Perhaps the most poignant and best quote in the whole article is, said by a woman whose parents are immigrants and don’t understand all the “modern” parenting frenzy: “They just think Americans are a little too complicated about everything.” I love America, but these people are right. Maybe it’s time to move away from those self-help books telling you that you shouldn’t let your child sleep for x-amount of time because of x-rationale. Maybe it’s just time that parents have children because they want to make mistakes, grow from them, and produce beautiful little people. Maybe the problem is that as so many people became more and more independent and prosperous that many of them just became selfish.There is no single image for the perfect parent. It’s important to be prepared for all the ups and downs, curveballs and fastballs, and whatever else that comes your way. A guidebook won’t make you a better mother or father, but realizing that your little family is whatever you want it to be will make the experience better. And besides, it’s supposed to be hard. But isn’t that the fun part?
Related posts:
- Parenting Advice from Despicable Me
- Teaching Empathy: Modern Anti-Bullying Programs
- Young children and the internet – uses and safety
- The New Face of Fathers: Legal Paternity Leave
- My First Father’s Day
